struck.

see,

sometimes we get struck by lightning.

just like that,

knocked down flat.

beyond our control.

enough with a stare,

struck.

enough with a smile,

struck.

i went oblivious.

the stare,

though brief but real.

the smile,

though brief but real.

impossible to get over.

what's impossible?

in this case then,

everything. 

the good kind,

the bad kind.

the sum of my every being.

the sum of my every conscience.

the sum of my every wisdom.

the sum of my every control.

gathering them inch by inch.

if only,

just if only,

you would have been here.
i wanted to find that something,
but won't let you have it all.

perhaps i really don't believe in you.